SHORT & SWEET + FAMILY TIME
“KEEP IT SHORT & SWEET”
That’s become an expression. A mantra. Because when it comes to copywriting, short sentences and short paragraphs inevitably out-pull long, cumbersome copy. But at least one non-profit organization has yet to learn that lesson.
Here’s a single sentence excerpted from a fundraising letter I received last week:
“We will be directed down this path despite the fact that peer-reviewed evidence, produced in Canada by government salaried, world class researchers warns that growing the rate of incarceration is a waste of taxpayers dollars; that community-based rehabilitation programs are more cost-effective, humane and just; and that the structural causes of crime might actually get worse as prison infrastructure consumes resources for evidence-based crime prevention alternatives.”
Whew!
And believe it or not, this missive wasn’t directed towards some professorial assemblage. It was sent to Joe Public.
TIP: Find yourself with more than a dozen words in a sentence and it’s time to get out your blue pencil. Find yourself with a sentence running six lines deep and it’s time to get out your scissors. Find yourself with copy like this, and it’s time to get a new writer.
Write short sentences. Use short words. Keep your paragraphs short. That’s the long and short of how to succeed in copywriting without really trying.
FAMILY TIME
Nobody knows how to market to families better than Disney. So I wasn’t surprised at how good their most recent DM package was.
The back of the oversized envelope featured 13 full colour photos of DVD/VCR boxes, promoting their movie club. Inside was a catalogue of countless movies you could order. There was an 8-1/2 X 11 full colour promo sheet. A four-colour illustrated letter. A sheet of stickers featuring Disney characters.
But what got me was the front of the envelope.
Like the back, it was plastered with full colour movie box photos and promotional messages – everything fun and festive. However, the visual treatment wasn’t the most noteworthy aspect to my mind.
Instead of addressing the package to me or my wife, it was addressed to “The Knight Family”. A little extra touch that many organizations, feeling that they’ve already gone the distance with hype and promo, wouldn’t have bothered with.
Without putting the message into words, the addressing verbiage said, “This isn’t just for you, mother or father. Or just for your children. It’s for all of you, to bring you together for entertainment the whole family can enjoy.”
TIP: Just because you’ve used every trick and technique known to DM-kind, don’t satisfy yourself too easily. Take one more look and see if there’s something small and subtle you can add that will put your package over the top. See if there’s something that will impress even a hardened mail guy like…
Dr. Bob
symbiomarketing@telus.net
REMINDER
Last chance to subscribe to Rants ‘N Raves before the next issue comes out. Email me if you want to get on the list.
That’s become an expression. A mantra. Because when it comes to copywriting, short sentences and short paragraphs inevitably out-pull long, cumbersome copy. But at least one non-profit organization has yet to learn that lesson.
Here’s a single sentence excerpted from a fundraising letter I received last week:
“We will be directed down this path despite the fact that peer-reviewed evidence, produced in Canada by government salaried, world class researchers warns that growing the rate of incarceration is a waste of taxpayers dollars; that community-based rehabilitation programs are more cost-effective, humane and just; and that the structural causes of crime might actually get worse as prison infrastructure consumes resources for evidence-based crime prevention alternatives.”
Whew!
And believe it or not, this missive wasn’t directed towards some professorial assemblage. It was sent to Joe Public.
TIP: Find yourself with more than a dozen words in a sentence and it’s time to get out your blue pencil. Find yourself with a sentence running six lines deep and it’s time to get out your scissors. Find yourself with copy like this, and it’s time to get a new writer.
Write short sentences. Use short words. Keep your paragraphs short. That’s the long and short of how to succeed in copywriting without really trying.
FAMILY TIME
Nobody knows how to market to families better than Disney. So I wasn’t surprised at how good their most recent DM package was.
The back of the oversized envelope featured 13 full colour photos of DVD/VCR boxes, promoting their movie club. Inside was a catalogue of countless movies you could order. There was an 8-1/2 X 11 full colour promo sheet. A four-colour illustrated letter. A sheet of stickers featuring Disney characters.
But what got me was the front of the envelope.
Like the back, it was plastered with full colour movie box photos and promotional messages – everything fun and festive. However, the visual treatment wasn’t the most noteworthy aspect to my mind.
Instead of addressing the package to me or my wife, it was addressed to “The Knight Family”. A little extra touch that many organizations, feeling that they’ve already gone the distance with hype and promo, wouldn’t have bothered with.
Without putting the message into words, the addressing verbiage said, “This isn’t just for you, mother or father. Or just for your children. It’s for all of you, to bring you together for entertainment the whole family can enjoy.”
TIP: Just because you’ve used every trick and technique known to DM-kind, don’t satisfy yourself too easily. Take one more look and see if there’s something small and subtle you can add that will put your package over the top. See if there’s something that will impress even a hardened mail guy like…
Dr. Bob
symbiomarketing@telus.net
REMINDER
Last chance to subscribe to Rants ‘N Raves before the next issue comes out. Email me if you want to get on the list.
posted by DoctorBob | 9:47 PM
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