The Doctor Is In

Yes, summer vacation is over for your scribe. That's too bad. But it's nice to have you back reading this blog.

'RANTS' IS COMING
Within a week, I'll be putting out the next issue of Rants 'N Raves. If you're not yet a subscriber, ask to become one: b_knight@telus.net

GIVE THEM CREDIT
I seem to recall, just before leaving for a business trip and holidays, receiving a credit card from Bank of Montreal. It surprised me, because I hadn't requested one. Why would I? I need another credit card like Lindsay Lohan needs another DUI charge.

I was too busy, before leaving, to give it much thought. But among the DM packages awaiting me when I returned to the office was a plain white, double-windowed envelope...from Bank of Montreal.

It looks and reads just like the kind of notice a credit card company gives you after sending you a card. It even has an account number on it.

Question – is this a legitimate mistake or is it a new kind of marketing ploy?

If it's the latter and the tactic pays off for them, get set to receive unsolicited cards from every purveyor of plastic known to mankind, not to mention insurance policies, bank accounts...


LIKE SEEING AN EX AGAIN
After breaking up with a girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you usually wish them well...to some degree. Of course you don't want to see them succeeding beyond belief after separating from you. But, on the other hand, you don't want to discover that their life is now one of misery.

That's the kind of ambivalence I have when reading a DM package from a former client. And I'm experiencing it now, having just read a mailing from a non-profit organization I once worked for through an ad agency they later dropped. The letter's chock-full of response-killers.

For example, the unpersonalized salutation is in oversized, colour print – hardly an indication that the letter is a one-on-one from the signatory.

The copy is all about the organization...paragraph after paragraph of details that not even the president would find interesting, let alone a prospective donor.

There are typos.

There are patronizing lines like, "This year, 2007..." (Hey, I know what year this is!)

The asks are 98 lb weaklings, e.g. "I hope you will be impressed enough to send a donation".

And then there's the postscript. They use the most valuable piece of real estate on the letter to tell you that you'll get an income tax receipt if you donate. Duh!

If I ran into an ex-girlfriend who was now hanging out with a drugged-out gang member, I'd consider suggesting that she could do better.

Maybe I should do the same with this ex-client, I said to myself after reading the package. No, it would come across as self-serving, I replied. But it would help them, I insisted. No, they wouldn't listen. But what's to lose from trying? Well, you...

Scary, isn't it? These are the thoughts that today occupy the mind of...

Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net