Monday, May 28, 2007

Last week I knocked the Living Shangri-La Toronto mailing for, among other things, having been dropped into the mailboxes of people on my street. I still can't imagine that many of my neighbours have $2.3 million or more in extra cash to spend on a condo 3000 miles away.

But the mail drop situation gets curiouser and curiouser. I heard back from a reader who said that she received one too, despite the fact that rent in her building is $800 a month.

If you're pushing investment property in the millions, why would you waste your time and money soliciting renters paying that kind of cash each month?

DM NEWS INSERTS
Direct Marketing News always has the best inserts! I received the latest issue last week and, inside the polybag, was a riveting envelope from Royal Envelopes.

What captured my imagination was the shape of it. The front features a full colour shot of a jockey and race horse. And the envelope was die cut so the horse's nose extended past the regular edge of the envelope.

When you turn it over, you see more of the horse race, with copy reading, "Now push it faster, better and easier than you ever imagined possible!" The interior contains a letter and a small brochure about their Shape-A-Lopes™. Gotta love 'em.

FABULOUS FUNDRAISING
Last week I received three terrific mailings from non-profits. I loved every bit of the design and typography. I couldn't find fault with a single word of the copy. Oh, wait a minute. Now I know why I think they're so great. They were from the pen of...

Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net

Monday, May 21, 2007

One piece of mail dominated my mailbox last week – a thick 6 X 12 folder. And I soon discovered that that was just the beginning.

When I unfolded it, my desk was covered by this now-12 X 36 piece of unaddressed mail. Talk about, "Go big or go home"; this was "Go gargantuan or go to hell."

The cover was very understated. In fact, it was so understated that, at first, I had trouble figuring out what I was looking at.

After spending some time studying it, I determined that the duotone full-bleed photo was either of a branch framing a target in the sky or of a leafy branch and a concentric-circled ripple in water. The gold type set over the brownish-purplish photo read, "Living Shangri-la Toronto" so that wasn't much help.

Not certain of what to think, I flipped to the back cover. It showed the back of a woman from shoulders to mid-butt, wearing a kimono. Or was it a sari? Admittedly, I'm not up on my foreign female fashions but this garment looked like a combination of both. (Where's James Hilton when you need him?)

To learn more, I turned to the only paragraph of explanatory text. The first sentence read, "University Avenue may be Canada's most ceremonial grand boulevard."

To which I say, so what?

The next sentence read, "Living Shangri-La Toronto, a 704-foot glass tower, is a timeless, elegant form."

I repeat, so what?

Sentence #3: "A subtle bend in this grand boulevard" – Do you mean the tower is now a boulevard? – "allows this new icon to announce itself as one of Canada's greatest buildings." Wait a minute. Now you're telling me that the boulevard is an icon but it's telling the world that it's a building?

Then they really get me confused. The next sentence read, "Soon to be Toronto's finest five-star hotel, Living Shangri-La Toronto will offer breathtaking views and an impressive array of world-class amenities, designed to captivate Toronto's skyline and attract discerning connoisseurs."

So they're building some 700 foot glass tower hotel just so they can dominate (sorry, "captivate") the skyline and generate traffic from connoisseurs of who-knows-what?

All I could say was that they'd gone to a lot of expense just to get me to stay in their hotel and impress some connoisseurs. I also had to say, "I can't afford your rates."

They talked about The Residences on floors 18-48 being available for $800,000 and up. And their Private Estates on floors 49-65 starting at $2.3 million. For how many nights, I wanted to know. And does that at least include a free mini-bar?

But I shouldn't have asked. At the bottom of the back cover are the words, "Sales June 9". Ah ha, I said to the back of the kimono-sari lady, you're selling units in a hotel.

I only had two questions left in my mind:

(1) Why didn't they state what they were doing in the beginning, instead of beating around the glass tower bush?

(2) Why are they distributing this piece to middle-class neighbourhoods in North Vancouver?

For one thing, we're 3000 miles from Toronto and I don't know of any of my with-children neighbours who would be mildly interested in pulling up stakes to live in a glass tower, even if it is situated on a bend on a ceremonial boulevard.

And unless the men and women on my street are only faking their concern about paying pennies more for gasoline these days, I don't think many of them have an extra $2.3 million to invest in such a property, regardless of how many connoiseurs it attracts.

At least that's the opinion of the neighbour named,

Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net

Monday, May 14, 2007

A TALE OF TWO NOTEPADS

Last week, I received a package from the Red Cross. They very kindly enclosed a note pad featuring a tranquil sailboat scene. My reaction: "Thank you, Red Cross. Maybe I'll send you a donation."

I also received a mailing from another charity and they, too, were kind enough to enclose a note pad. Theirs featured 11 tick boxes accompanied by lines to fill out, forming a to-do list.

But I'm ticked off at them. The first line on every sheet is already filled in...supposedly a reminder to myself to send them a donation.

I'm sure they think it's a terrific move: "Hey, by doing this, every time this guy goes to use our note pad, there will be the reminder that he needs to send us a donation."

But will I donate even if I think the cause is worthy? No. I no longer consider their gift to be a gift. To me, it's just an advertising message. And why should I give money to an advertiser if I get nothing tangible in return?

Now, the Red Cross on the other hand didn't go Machiavellian on me. So they're in line for a gift from me.


BANK ON TRICKERY
The Royal Bank has been broadcasting a pretty effective TV commercial lately, promoting its RBC Avion Card. It's targeted towards people who have been frustrated by their inability to cash in their travel rewards points.

If you live in Canada, you've seen what appears to be a big jet travelling down the runway. Then the voiceover asks you why, when you go to redeem a free flight, suddenly there are no seats available.

At this point, the video shows a plane that's had about 150 seats removed from its fuselage. To say the jet looks stubby and unaccommodating would be an understatement.

The marketing folks at Royal were wise enough to incorporate the theme into their latest direct mail package, which I received last week.

The letter shows what looks like that stubby little plane in full colour so you're reminded of the TV spot. It's accompanied by the question, "When you try to book a seat, does your rewards card come up short?"

If you pull back the fold-over on the right hand side of the letter, the shortened plane becomes a full-sized one. The copy under it reads, "Get the RBC Avion card and get the seats..."

Great message. Great delivery. Great involvement technique. Bad move.

What's wrong with it?

The outer envelope is a plain (no pun intended) kraft one only featuring the Royal's logo. When I received it, I was sure that it was a statement about the RRSPs I hold with them. When I opened it up, though, I discovered that they were pushing a credit card instead of telling me how my retirement investment had performed.

I don't like being tricked by anyone, much less by a financial institution that has my retirement nest egg in its hands. And since they've had to stoop to trickery, are they really that confident in the message their communicating?

One guy's not about to take the risk to find out. His name is...

Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net

Monday, May 7, 2007

Before I get started on what I've received in the mail, here's what you can receive from me: my Rants 'N Raves newsletter. I plan to put out the next issue this week.

If you're not yet a subscriber and want to get it, email me at: b_knight@telus.net

WHEN WILL THEY LEARN?
I've ranted before about a particular non-profit that keeps sending me the same acquisition piece every few months. Last week I received it for what must be the 9th time.

I didn't respond the first eight times. I can't fathom why they think I'm going to donate this time.

What is it they say about crazy people expecting different results from doing the same thing?

SHIPSHAPES
The latest issue of Direct Marketing News contained a really cool insert. It's from Innovative Graphics which is pushing specially shaped, plasticized mail pieces.

Their promo piece was, appropriately enough, an oddly shaped hunk of clear plastic with visuals and copy printed on it. It immediately gets your attention because of its weight. And it immediately demonstrates how effective their product – since you've noticed it, they hardly have to tell you that their ShipShapes work.

From a demonstration standpoint, it reminds me of a billboard that Elmer's Glue ran many years ago. The billboard looked like part of the paper was peeling off. The headline: Quick! Get the Elmer's Glue.

The ShipShapes insert also reminded me of a promo letter I wrote and produced for a plastics manufacturer – we printed it on plastic.

CMA A-OK
Finally! An advertising awards show put out information and an invitation that's actually useful to prospective attendees – and readable – instead of a salve to the ego of applause-starved designers.

You know what they're usually like – full of cutesy copy that leaves you wondering what the show is all about or what you might learn. The graphics are typically overdone to the point where they steal attention from the relevant details about the show. And invariably he or she uses unreadable fonts, tiny type and enough eye-fatiguing reverse type to send you hustling to the nearest ophthalmologist.

But the Canadian Marketing Association this year demonstrates how such shows should be promoted. They've used a 5X10 brochure that's clean, colourful and communicative.

It's easy to find the sections you're after. It's easy to learn everything you need to know. It's easy to read!

It's so good, they should feature their own brochure in the CMA Awards for 2007. At least that's the opinion of...

Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net