Monday, December 11
'TIS THE SEASON
This is the season of giving. Maybe that's why so many companies have been offering me presents over the past few days – and good ones at that. Or maybe they see something coming down the pike and are trying to attract as many customers as possible before the end of the year.
For example, my kids have bank accounts at a credit union where my wife and I don't bank. I got a call from them the other day offering me a $50 gift certificate for a restaurant that we love. All I have to do is have a chat with them about my wife's and my finances.
Then Scotiabank sent me a self-mailer offering me a BlackBerry if I switch my business account to them. I'm not planning on switching financial institutions but let's open up the mailer and see what they have to say.
I don't like the way their "letter" starts. They address me as, "Dear Valued Business Owner." I can understand their calling me valued if I'm one of their customers. But right now I'm just a prospect and not that valued to them. I think they're just trying to suck up to me.
The opening paragraph reads, "Most business owners think one bank is just like any other. That is, until they try Scotiabank. You see, we've made business owners a priority..."
Hold it right there, Scotiabank. In my experience, there can be a huge difference between financial institutions. And I have to tell you – saying something like that hasn't exactly impressed the wallet out of my jeans.
Furthermore, I can't stand the expression, "you see." You see, I find it so condescending! And since it fits into the tone you sent with the salutation, I'm concluding that you and I don't see eye to eye. Sorry, no Knight & Associates business for you. And, sadly, no BlackBerry for me.
InfoCanada also made me an offer, this one for a free iPod.
I'm scanning the one-page letter, which is the only enclosure. It's all about their databases but I don't see anything about the offer. Oh, there it is – at the bottom right of the page: "Get Your FREE iPod nano When You Purchase 10,000 Full Record Sales Leads!"
If they thought they had such a hot offer and also could turn my business life around with their lists, I think they should have made a bigger deal about the iPod and gone on at greater length about their products.
Nope. Not going to act.
COPY KILLS THE DEAL
I also received a hefty package in a 10" X 15" envelope with $1.88 in postage on it. That got my attention.
But I have the feeling that the sender isn't a big company and I don't want to slam an up and comer. So I'm going to rename them XYZ Media, then tell you some of the reasons why they've wasted a lot of money by not hiring a writer to prepare their copy. (At least, I should THINK they wrote it themselves.)
You get the immediate impression that the sender isn't a big, established organization as soon as you look at the envelope.
For one thing, they've used live stamps instead of a meter. (Yes, live stamps work great on mailings that are supposed to be highly personal. But they destroy that technique by using a mailing label and addressing the piece to, "Media Director, Knight & Associates." You then know that it's not a piece of personal correspondence.)
Plus, for their return address, they use a label with their name typed on. Not overly professional.
The letter isn't addressed to anyone. It just starts off with copy which states, "My name is Blank Blank and I am the Vice President of XYZ Media in Toronto. XYZ Media is a (type of) company based in Toronto that specializes in..."
The next sentence begins, "XYZ Media is a Toronto based..."
So you read three sentences and all you get out of it is that someone is writing you from Toronto. And that's if you're able to read it. The type has got to be 8 pt.
The accompanying kit folder looks impressive – big, colourful, tons of illustrations and photos, a bunch of glossy full colour inserts. But, again, their copy kills the sale. Here's one example:
"XYZ Media is much more than just getting attention. It is about getting results. Each XYZ Medium is a new innovation that requires very creative consultation to ensure the message is best represented by the vehicle(s) chosen. It is here, in our creative execution where we are accountable and ensure that the final product cohesively fits with your marketing objectives and media mix to get results."
Huh?
Guys, guys, guys. You're in the communications business. You're trying to communicate with communications professionals. Do yourselves a favour – hire someone who knows how to write clearly. And simply.
Or at least offer me an iPod.
It may be right. It may be wrong. But that's the opinion of...
Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net
This is the season of giving. Maybe that's why so many companies have been offering me presents over the past few days – and good ones at that. Or maybe they see something coming down the pike and are trying to attract as many customers as possible before the end of the year.
For example, my kids have bank accounts at a credit union where my wife and I don't bank. I got a call from them the other day offering me a $50 gift certificate for a restaurant that we love. All I have to do is have a chat with them about my wife's and my finances.
Then Scotiabank sent me a self-mailer offering me a BlackBerry if I switch my business account to them. I'm not planning on switching financial institutions but let's open up the mailer and see what they have to say.
I don't like the way their "letter" starts. They address me as, "Dear Valued Business Owner." I can understand their calling me valued if I'm one of their customers. But right now I'm just a prospect and not that valued to them. I think they're just trying to suck up to me.
The opening paragraph reads, "Most business owners think one bank is just like any other. That is, until they try Scotiabank. You see, we've made business owners a priority..."
Hold it right there, Scotiabank. In my experience, there can be a huge difference between financial institutions. And I have to tell you – saying something like that hasn't exactly impressed the wallet out of my jeans.
Furthermore, I can't stand the expression, "you see." You see, I find it so condescending! And since it fits into the tone you sent with the salutation, I'm concluding that you and I don't see eye to eye. Sorry, no Knight & Associates business for you. And, sadly, no BlackBerry for me.
InfoCanada also made me an offer, this one for a free iPod.
I'm scanning the one-page letter, which is the only enclosure. It's all about their databases but I don't see anything about the offer. Oh, there it is – at the bottom right of the page: "Get Your FREE iPod nano When You Purchase 10,000 Full Record Sales Leads!"
If they thought they had such a hot offer and also could turn my business life around with their lists, I think they should have made a bigger deal about the iPod and gone on at greater length about their products.
Nope. Not going to act.
COPY KILLS THE DEAL
I also received a hefty package in a 10" X 15" envelope with $1.88 in postage on it. That got my attention.
But I have the feeling that the sender isn't a big company and I don't want to slam an up and comer. So I'm going to rename them XYZ Media, then tell you some of the reasons why they've wasted a lot of money by not hiring a writer to prepare their copy. (At least, I should THINK they wrote it themselves.)
You get the immediate impression that the sender isn't a big, established organization as soon as you look at the envelope.
For one thing, they've used live stamps instead of a meter. (Yes, live stamps work great on mailings that are supposed to be highly personal. But they destroy that technique by using a mailing label and addressing the piece to, "Media Director, Knight & Associates." You then know that it's not a piece of personal correspondence.)
Plus, for their return address, they use a label with their name typed on. Not overly professional.
The letter isn't addressed to anyone. It just starts off with copy which states, "My name is Blank Blank and I am the Vice President of XYZ Media in Toronto. XYZ Media is a (type of) company based in Toronto that specializes in..."
The next sentence begins, "XYZ Media is a Toronto based..."
So you read three sentences and all you get out of it is that someone is writing you from Toronto. And that's if you're able to read it. The type has got to be 8 pt.
The accompanying kit folder looks impressive – big, colourful, tons of illustrations and photos, a bunch of glossy full colour inserts. But, again, their copy kills the sale. Here's one example:
"XYZ Media is much more than just getting attention. It is about getting results. Each XYZ Medium is a new innovation that requires very creative consultation to ensure the message is best represented by the vehicle(s) chosen. It is here, in our creative execution where we are accountable and ensure that the final product cohesively fits with your marketing objectives and media mix to get results."
Huh?
Guys, guys, guys. You're in the communications business. You're trying to communicate with communications professionals. Do yourselves a favour – hire someone who knows how to write clearly. And simply.
Or at least offer me an iPod.
It may be right. It may be wrong. But that's the opinion of...
Dr. Bob
b_knight@telus.net
posted by DoctorBob | 12:07 PM
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